


Sing to Me (About the end of the world)

by peter_panda



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Dialogue-Only, Existential Crisis, Gen, Loss of Parent(s), No Plot/Plotless, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Past Character Death, Pre-Slash, Resurrection, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:03:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9789080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peter_panda/pseuds/peter_panda
Summary: Clark and Bruce have a 'casual' talk about being orphans, survivor's guilt, what it feels like to lose a child and other depressing things, as a coping mechanism. (ft. a cup of chamomile tea and angst)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Bruce calls him Kal because Clark asked him to do so. He's hiding in the Wayne Manor as he's trying to pull himself back together. Also, this is my first work in this fandom and I haven't read the comics, so all my knowledge comes from the DCEU and some friends. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Title's from Arise by Flyleaf

“Do you ever ask yourself whether they would be proud of you, if they could see you now? Whether they would think it was worth dying for- if you were worth dying for to protect?”

“I believe that is called survivor's guilt, Kal.”

“Sounds about right.” A sigh. “But don't you ever want to prove that you were worth it, somehow?”

“It has nothing to do with being worthy. We can save an entire planet, galaxies even, but it wouldn't change anything for them. It's not like you can just decide not to be dead-”

“Well, I guess I kind of did that.”

“And that is the exact reason why there are crowds worshipping you and calling you the second coming-”

“Okay, okay. Choir kid here. I could've done without this level of blasphemy in my life, you know.”

“You were in the church choir?”

“There was nothing else to do.”

“You know, you are the most ridiculous person I have ever encountered.”

“I'm not sure if I should take this as a compliment or as an insult-”

“A bit of both? I don't know. It's just, a lot of people call you god and here you are sitting on the floor of a cave with a cup of chamomile tea worrying about going to hell and having an existential crisis simultaneously.”

“I guess I'm learning how to multitask?” He offered wryly. “You still haven't answered my question though.”

“You mean the one about how orphaned we are? Yes Kal, of course I do. I mean, in my case it was my life for theirs, not an entire planet's, but still. How can you not?”

“Is that why you're doing this? To prove the world a point?”

“More like prove myself a point, but yeah, if that suits you. There are other reasons as well.”

“I don't even remember them. Their faces. What they sounded like. I mean, I see them in the Fortress sometimes, but it doesn't feel real, you know? Almost as if I'm fabricating those images. I cannot be sure if that is what they sounded like or if it's warped by recording. Having a copy of them makes me feel even lonelier, sometimes.”

“You still have your mother, though.” Bruce reminded gently.

“Yes. And I'm grateful for that and I love her so much but Bruce, somethimes it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Because I don't miss them all the time, you know, only when I think about them. I feel like I'm-”

“Cheating on them with Martha?”

“Yeah. Like that.”

“I'm sure they wouldn't want their only son to feel shitty because he loves the woman who raised him.”

“Probably. But there is no way to know for sure, right?”

“Kal, take this from a parent, okay? Kids don't need to be deserving for you to sacrifice all for them.”

“That is even more horrifying-”

“Well, yes, but it's the truth. You do it because you love them, because they are pieces of you, they are yours, maybe, not by blood or name, but by heart. Because they looked at you with their ridiculously big eyes and tiny limbs and told you they were scared. Because they will come running to you when they have nightmares. Because you know they will, even if you never get to see them do any of it. Because when a parent lose a child, they lose more than just a child. They lose their dreams and hopes. They lose the best parts of them, the soft ones, the gentle ones, the bright ones.”

Heavy silence.

“I used to get so angry with them, sometimes.” he continued a moment later. “Because I never wanted them to do that to me-for me. I never wanted to be left alone with the memory of that moment when I could do nothing but watch. I never wanted to be left behind. Not without them. But- but that night, when I held J-him in my arms, unmoving and broken-” His voice break. 

Clark wanted to reach out to him, to hold his hand maybe, but this was already too much for Bruce and physical contact on top of it would probably make him retract into his icy shell. And Clark couldn't handle seeing him cold and calm. Not right now.

“I thought I would die for him in a heartbeat.” A whisper came back, soon after. “I wouldn't care whether he would want me to die for him. I wouldn't care if he would be angry with me like I was angry with my parents. I wouldn't give a flying fuck, Kal. Because it was the single most harrowing thing that ever happened to me. Being left alone to deal with the fact that I couldn't protect him. He trusted me with his life and I let him down. Anything is better than that. I would rather die knowing he would hate me for doing this to him than see him like that. And I'm sure Martha felt the same during your funeral.”

The mention of his mother's pain stung. He still haven't visited her, just a phone call, in which Clark heard her try so hard not to break down crying. He wasn't strong enough to apologize to her. Not yet.

“I'm sorry.” He took a sip out of his cooling tea, just to give his hands something to do. “I shouldn't have dragged you down this hole with me.”

"If it's any consolation, it was slightly better with someone else there with you.”

“Did you just admit that you like my company?”

“You will never be able to prove I did such a thing.”

“Now who is the most ridiculous human being ever?”

“Still you, actually.”


End file.
